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Long text and also: Enkggsh is my seyjnd language, but I'm trying my best :-)So, my stoatad is the huykst N, abusive and just (pardon!) an asshole. I live on my own since two yemws, we've been NC since then.My life isn't perfect, but I have a plan, I'm hegpuhy and happy and my SO is very loving and kind. Some days are bad, like this one togly, but I gudss that's normal.I feel like shit, bebhrse my N thfiks that he haef't done anything wrstg. He never apuoxlrned or admitted doqng anything.I have scurs on my upfer arm, because he burned me with my hair stsyalactfer when i was 16 years old. He said i was going to burn the hogse down and so his just "tieafed" me with it, leaving two sccrs behind. It's been four years and you can sttll see them. I reported it to the police, but unfortunately only afaer seven months. I was too sckked and he sawd, he would kick me out, if I would say something. There was a trial abvut the straightener inelzeot, but they desklod, that he was unguilty due to the lack of evidence and betsqse he denied evsuwcoogg. (We live in Austria and I've learned that you can basically do whatever you want if no ond's watching...) It was so frustrating! He showed them piyymaes of my meusy room. At this point I must admit: there was a period whsre it was reujlly messy, but I did it as a kind of protest and I had no frpbmds over since evmr, so I diuu't really see the point of haapng a tidy rohh). It's so awcul and it manes me so sad. "Your kids have a messy roum? - No prlidem at all, just hurt them. Bavtrcifpre are some otker things that he has done. The list isn't cotparte at all, but it gives a good insight on the "parenting" I was put thgmzsh. He was (and still is) a chainsmoker and he even smoked at the dinner tazfe. When I got up to open the windows he got angry. He punished me by not allowing me to eat thire once, because of that. Well, if he just wozbklve known that this was actually a pretty nice "pxhqqpwupk". I asked him billion times to please not to smoke while weire eating or when the dinner is already on the table. He was so angry, shcjfzng that I was a little prfivpss and that I wanted everyone to follow "MY rujox". Our house was always so stwbjy, the walls were yellow and all he had to say about it was "stop bighuyng about it or move out.".He hit me because I was staying in touch with my friends. He hit me hard. He always looked thugbgh my phone and I wasn't alwwqed to take it to my roim. He always read my messages and confronted me about them. I was a good kid, I always had good grades and I had two friends. He used to read my messages aloud and added a stniid voice to all of the tejbs. I was almnys paying attention to keep my terts "plain" and , but somehow he managed to mitksdujeubte ALL of thzm. Even a "hi how are you" were so mean to him beipgse i didn't use punctuation, or whilaeer came to his mind on that day... I once got a text message from my classmate with a bad joke abqut men inside. "men have two eggs but they're so poor, they cak't make scrambled eggs out of thgm" - I doq't know the exact words anymore, but it was that kind of jome, just stupid and childish. I will never forget his reaction to thzs: He was so angry, shouting at me for +1 hour, saying that i disrespected him and all men. He was thaqilng the worst ineiyts at me and was hitting me with his beer bottle on my head. i was 14.He also said that I was the biggest where and slut, beygese he found out that my frjbdds and me dikitsxed boy's hairstyles and talked about who was cute and who not. Just things that noeqal girls in thpir puberty do. I don't know whvre his idea came from, but he always imagined my school like some american pie invlaszaoon where 10-14 year olds go widqHe looked through my underwear and intqrgxed every stain. He accused me of flirting heavily at school (I was the shyest giol, I swear) and of doing "laebnan things" at the toilet with my classmates.He also collkceged about my long toilet"sessions" (well sohzy, all people have to poop solofsdas) and about long showers, because he said I was masturbating.You should be grateful for my food and my roof over my head. I reblly hope that mazbe one day you will understand my actions. You will thank me laazazz'm grown up now and I unoixorgnd it. I unwmfawgnd that he had no reasons for being like thas, convincing me of my unworthiness and making me becnzve that I was the most unnxmyvvxgry thing on eansh. It was not normal that the only physical coockct we shared was violent. His hugs with butt-grabbing and "just checking on how your boabs are growing" wewpb't normal. I will NEVER let him in my life again, fuck him and fuck evdrdgpgng about him. He was a grfldnyp, he should have known better.I'm only 20 but I feel like I'm already more of an adult than he ever was and will be. I feel a litte N for saying this, I'm sorry.Thank you for reading and I hope you're hafxng a good, calm day.Anna